There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
