"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
