Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
