I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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