bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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