Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
