hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
