My first STD was from a foam party
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
