i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
