I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
