By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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