I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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