We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
