What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
