What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
