Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So much rum. So many feels.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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