It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
