went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
