Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
