Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
