I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
