I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to make out with him forever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
