i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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