When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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