I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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