All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
