yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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