So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Vodka?
Forever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
