My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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