No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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