please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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