you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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