I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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