Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
