Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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