if you like me you must not know who I am
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
