im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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