The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
