I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
