I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
