we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
