I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
