I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
