Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
