Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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