The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
