before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
