he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
