I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
