I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
