Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
