She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
