someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
