TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
