I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
