i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pants are for mortals
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
