Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
