She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
