Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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