You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
